PISS OFF.

bloody hell. gosh. im so pissed off. im trying too bloody hard. for what? i dont even know. this whole week has been pretty good until last night. karen kwan just had to bloody piss me off right. i mean, what the hell man. i dont think i can ever forgive her. i dont know. and i dont think mum would care if i died. i think no one would care if i died. no one would bother. no one would notice. i dont wanna go back to what i was last year. im sick and tired of it. im trying so hard to be accepted. but does anyone care? no. no ones there for me when im most stressed, when im most tired, when im at my worst. because no one bothers. no one gives a shit. cause no ones a true friend. they dont exist anymore. no, i should say they never existed. no ones there to cheer me up, to encourage me, to help me through. im just so tired of life. if i knew what was coming, i dont think i would have come out. no, i didnt want to come out. im a cesarean baby. they doctor should have realised that it was a mistake to bring me into this world. i was a mistake. i was an accident. i should never have been born should i? im just a jinx. the mask that i put on everyday. its going to wear off one day. and then id have to spend time making a new one or fixing it. i really thought that this year was gonna be much better. but apparently its not turning out to be any better.

im just so tired. i should never have existed. honestly. i dont make a difference to anyone. why did i come into this ugly, blemished world? ill only make it uglier, destroy it more and make it more blemished. i wish i could die.

no one realises what ive done for them. they aint grateful. and piss off joan. its not my fault you dont wanna tell me your bloody problems.

JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO HELL

sigh tired tired. man. for some odd reason, ive been so happy lately. i have no idea why either. it just. i just feel so happy. like subconsciously. and im feeling good bout it too. but its not lasting. eh i was walking home from the bus stop and then far away was playing in my head and then suddenly i felt so sad. haha. i dunno why either. sigh. but im seriously very tired lah. like there's just so much work. and i dunno. i dont have the motivation to do it, im not in the mood to do it, and then ill produce shoddy work. pfffft. i hate myself for that. sigh. and suddenly nicole and andree are like crazy over drops of jupiter just cos i brought the lyrics to school. sigh. and i think nic was kinda disappointed too when she saw us during musical rehearsal cos like i know she wants to be part of it, and thats like her dream, but what she doesnt understand is that we havent chosen the crew members yet. she said she wants to be stage manager and i know she has the passion for it but i dunno if she is up to the job. whether she can cope with the amount of work, whether she can commit and i dunno, she'll probably get bored with it after a while right. sigh. and im really hoping thiam can stay on and seriously lah. i should pray. ask God for guidance and just bless everything that happens cos its all in his hands. (: mmhmm!(:

eh. ive been talking to class people quite a lot lately. ok, so they're in my class, but thats besides the point lah. i mean, i havent really been talking to people from other classes so often. well maybe cept joan. haha. bout stdlc. ooh but ive been quite close to gis. and its pretty cool. (: ah well.

NO I DONT WANNA DRIFT FROM MY FRIENDS.PFFFFFFT

eh and i still wanna start my band. i think no one reads my blog. pffft. haahha. and i want my own camera too! digital one so i can take pictures PROPERLY and UPLOAD them. or at least i want a bluetooth so i can pload my pictures and show everyone lipin's pretty pretty face in my phone. hahaha.

oh well. live with it, kat.